Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Just Not Today

I know Jesus turns mourning into dancing.
He who overcame death, overcomes death with us.
I know these things are true.
But today I am overcome with grief.
Today I am filled with melancholy.
Today I am not ready to fight another fight.
Someday soon I will rise up again for such a battle....
just not today.

Jack Sommerville sells insurance.
His tag line for as long as I can remember has been,
"We stand between you and loss."
Someday, our community will again make like Jack.
A challenge will be issued, and with every meal,
every dollar, every prayer
we will stand again in what will be for someone a terrible gap.
Someday soon I will rise up to lead them...
just not today.

I will once again dream dreams
some big and some small.
Dreams of safe, affordable housing for those on the margins.
Dreams of mended relationships and new beginnings.
Dreams of people, huddled together, living from God moment
to God moment.
Dreams of grace justified and sanctified.
Dreams for me, and dreams for others.
Someday soon I will once again dream....
just not today.

Today, I just need to take a breath.
Today, I just need to bow my head.
Today, I just need to gather myself.
Today, I just need to be still.
Today, I just need to write bad poetry.

Don't worry. I'll be fine.
I don't want pity or condolences.
Save that for a mother who has lost someone truly precious.

I'm counting my blessings
and am offering praise.
I'm older, wiser, and more humble.
I'm praying for those truly in need
and gearing up for whatever
"on Earth as it is in Heaven" means next
as the saints go marching in to make it so.
I want to be counted in that number, and I will...

but not today. Just not today.