"Our Lips Are Sealed" OR "Advice To A Pastor Getting Reamed By Rumors and Accusations"

Can you hear them
They talk about us
Telling lies
Well, that's no surprise

Can you see them
See right through them
They have no shield
No secrets to reveal

It doesn't matter what they say
In the jealous games people play
Our lips are sealed

There's a weapon
That we must use
In our defense
Silence reveals

When you look at them
Look right through them
That's when they'll disappear
That's when we'll be feared

It doesn't matter what they say
In the jealous games people play
Our lips are sealed

Give no mind to what they say
It doesn't matter anyway
Our lips are sealed

Hush, my darling
Don't you cry
Quiet, angel
Forget their lies

Can you hear them
They talk about us
Telling lies
Well, that's no surprise

Can you see them
See right through them
They have no shield
No secrets to reveal

It doesn't matter what they say
In the jealous games people play
Our lips are sealed

Pay no mind to what they say
It doesn't matter anyway
Our lips are sealed
Our lips are sealed
Our lips are sealed


Of all the strange songs to get stuck on, after stumbling on a covers album that Everclear did this year, I have become hooked on "Our Lips Are Sealed", an old Go-Go's song (there is no Everclear video, so you get the original Go-G0 song instead) I liked as a kid. Outside a catchy hook (even Rolling Stone proclaimed the tune one of the hundred best rock songs of all time) I couldn't figure out why in the world why this song seemed so appealing.

Then it hit me.... read the words preacher man. Read the words.

Periodically, I have found, there are times when strange accusations or rumors about either a pastor or a church will emerge from the underworld. It's just part of the game.

A number of years ago I had a youth pastor under my charge who for reasons that were really beyond his control, became unpopular for a time with a small group of parents and teens. At the height of this drama, a rumor began to circulate about this guy that he had actually been cited for DUI, that the church knew it, and swept it under the table. I remember that after hearing this about six or seven different times from different quarters, after doing some research (always gotta cover your can) and confirming what I knew to be true (that this young fella not only didn't have a DUI, but didn't drink alcohol), I remember choosing a person to whisper this little ditty in great anger that I wanted to spread near and far:

"Upon much research, this accusation is so scurrilous that the person in question and the church are thinking about suing those who are spreading the rumor for slander. Whoever is behind this crap is dead meat."

Magically, the rumor stopped, and, in fact those who had been spreading this gossip began to vehemently deny having done so. Joseph called that approach to dealing with a crisis in ministry "unleashing the dogs of war". In that instance, where people began to realize that serious traffic violations are actually tracked and listed by individual states, making the rumor easy to disprove, unleashing the dogs proved successful.

But in most instances where someone is upset at you, no amount of talking or responding will be able to deter that person from their mission of trying to paint you or the church as something less than Christian. As a matter of fact, often if you try to defend yourself or diffuse the issue by reasoning with said angry people, your words will end up twisted to fit their agenda... which ends up just making things worse. That's why I'm finding, as time goes by, that (mostly) the Go-Go's were right:

There's a weapon
That we must use
In our defense
Silence reveals

When you look at them
Look right through them
That's when they'll disappear
That's when we'll be feared

Most of the time when people are trying to get your goat, or hang you among their circle of friends, in the end its better to just ignore the whole thing than to get caught up in the drama. Five or six years ago that would have been impossible for me. I was drawn to drama like a moth to a light bulb. Everything required a response.

But my last year at Goshen I was involved in a situation where a young person was expelled from school largely because he was set up by a friend who wanted to steal the accused young person's girlfriend. As the story involved a "zero tolerance" (i.e. "zero common sense") policy regarding weapons on campus, as the case was played out in the public arena, and exploited by the local media to sell papers (which is why, while I love reading newspapers, I will never trust them) when the young person who had been set-up and his mother spoke up (taking unnecessary potshots at the school and police in the process) in his defense, all hell broke loose. A bad situation got 10 times worse. Shaken, the family asked for advice as to what to do.

My brilliant suggestion: Shut-up, get a lawyer, and deal with school administrators and local police behind closed doors. Strangely enough, the family acquiesced, and even made me their "official spokesman" (meaning the media got a lot of "no comments"). In the end, the kid, among much controversy, was re-instated as a student and permitted to walk with his class on graduation day.

I'm not sure any other strategy other than the one I suggested would have had the same result. If the family had kept going to the press, the community would have been even more polarized, and the administration even more likely to want to rid themselves of the problem by hiding behind a "zero tolerance policy", even if they knew (thanks to some good police work) that the kid was innocent. By staying quiet, the school could go through their process while public perception was that the family was abiding by that process. Fact was we were fighting tooth and nail to get the boy graduated with his class, but we did so behind closed doors. Gotta say that kid's graduation was one of the sweetest experiences I've ever had.

More importantly, the experience taught me a valuable lesson. While, as the spokesman for the family, I took a number of potshots personally and in the press for my involvement (someone told me I was "the white Al Sharpton" of Goshen, Indiana"... How great is that!?!) I learned in the experience that not only is it better to let things that people say, go, but in ignoring them all together in an effort to stay focused on what was important, that over time you gain weight and influence. For as those who want to respect you watch closely, as you conduct yourself at a level above your opposition, that respect is allowed to grow among those that really matter: The people you serve and want to serve with you.

In my case, that exactly what happened among people in my congregation (who loved the kid and appreciated my support of him), the students (who knew their youth pastor had their back no matter what), police department (because I trusted them, and they trusted me back), and even school administration (who asked to help with a couple of other situations when the whole thing was said and done).

Thus, that is why, oh friend of mine who called me upset because there are folks at his church dragging him through the mud, I offer this advice:

If you did do something to warrant the mud dragging, there's nothing left to do but "throw yourself on the sword". Offer genuine apologies, and work on the other side for true reconciliation (whatever that means).

And if you didn't, keep your nose to the grindstone. Work hard. Do a good job. Say nothing disparaging about others, and ALWAYS tell the truth. Otherwise, people are just trying to bait you to create drama designed to wear you out (so you'll leave) or drag you down to their level (so there will be basis for your can to get booted out the door). You'll be amazed who will come to your defense, and the strength that is added unto you.

Only unleash the dogs of war if the accusations are so ridiculous and easily disproven, that you know the accuser will immediately back down because their fraud will be so apparent.

It doesn't matter what they say
In the jealous games people play
Our lips are sealed

Pay no mind to what they say
It doesn't matter anyway
Our lips are sealed

Deep truth in a Go-Go's song. Who knew.