Tuesday, October 02, 2007

A Picture Says One Word


I'm glad the technician who did this ultrasound could clear that up for us.

Well, since it's official, here are the Top Ten names for our son I'd come up with that my wife would never allow:

10) Yoda Skywalker Bucher: This was the name I wanted for Eli. Max and Xavie thought it was a great idea. No matter how much nagging we did, Aimee refused to give in. Instead we ended up naming the boy after an Old Testament prophet. Sometimes women have no imagination. (Chance of Succeeding: 0%)

9) Zydrunus Ilgauskas Bucher: In honor of the long-term Cavs center. We could call him "Little Z", and I'd think the chances we'd get at least one set of complimentary tickets court side would be pretty high. Come on honey... please? (3%)

8) Chuck Norris Bucher: Chuck Norris Bucher would go straight to walking, cause he wouldn't crawl for any human being. (4.7%)

7) Weird Al Yankovic Bucher: We bought an accordion on our honeymoon (don't ask) that has only ever been used as a prop in a skit we did at our church in Goshen. We could dust that puppy off, launching our son into a life of fortune of fame. Just think.. he could write parodies of "High School Musical 23" songs and star in his own movie - "Channel 227", which would be a story of him taking over a little known cable channel that creates bizarre shows with names like "The Rabid Parakeet Hunter", "Moldy Ed's Cartoon Playhouse", and "Cooking With Tree Rollins". (6.2%)

6) Bryan Dean Bucher: It's too late to name all of my sons after me, just like George Foreman did to his sons and daughters. Bummer. (7.9%)

5) Auguzztine: All the most famous athletes, entertainers, and (in this case) theologians are known by one name - Pele, Madonna, CarrotTop. He'd be destined for greatness if we just followed their lead right from the beginning. I added the "zz" in case he ever wanted to go into rap. (8.1%)

4) Hey Dude Bucher: That way everyone would know his name ("Hey Dude, you left your wallet"). (8.11%)

3) Joe (Name of Your Business Here): Just like sports teams are doing with stadiums, we could sell the naming rights to our child to the highest bidder on Ebay. Sure he'd have to live with a name like "Joe Coca-Cola", "Joe Roto-Rooter", "Joe Bank of America", "Joe Ohio State Teachers Retirement Fund" or "Joe Arby's" (here's your chance Roger), but if a stadium naming rights can go for millions, surely we could raise enough to send all four boys to college. And just think, if he ended up becoming "Joe Isuzu" he'd have a built in career starring in commercials. (8.12%)

2) Abdullah the Bucher: This would make me laugh every single day. My wife would refuse to name our child in such a way as to bring me personal amusement. She'd say that wasn't "mature" or "responsible". Like whatever... (11.2%)

1) Spike Painhouse Axe Chainsaw Bucher: I just believe you need a name that will help preserve your safety on the mean streets of Fort Shawnee Township. Kids would never mess with him if he had that name. No way. (13%)

Eh... oh well. Maybe I'll get my way for the next bab- (acckkkkk - Help! Aimee is strangling me.... Helllllpppppp!)

13 comments:

Aimee said...

You think there is a 13% chance that I would name our son Spike Painhouse Axe Chainsaw Bucher? Seriously?!?!?! This is why I, and not you, fill out the birth certificate. LOL

Anonymous said...

What about Daniel Bryant? You are very blessed to have two really cool father figures in your life.

(Although your father's insistence that Ali would have beat Tyson in their respective primes is woefully misguided)

Anonymous said...

bahahbahahahahhahahaha.....so when is your surgery??? Joe is a good name...it could be Joe The Man I wish I were Walters Bucher...what do you say??? Peace! Amy Walters

Anonymous said...

You mean you get to choose a name for kid? I thought the hospital did that for you. Baby Boy Bucher... No serious. How about Ezekiel and you could call him Zeke. Zeke Bucher has a good ring to it. Sounds like a base ball player to me.

Anonymous said...

You are the funniest kid ever. Aunt Beth...congrats!

Anonymous said...

excuse me,

there is already a Spike Bucher so you are just gonna have to attempt to come up with another tough name... to bad no name is as tough as spike...

young bucher to the north

Aaron said...

I can't wait to know this kid as an adult. Maybe at some Beeson reunion we will gather and I will say, "You don't know me, but I saw your privates on the internet before you were born, named, or scarred for life."

Great post, Bryan.

Anonymous said...

Buch,

I am sure that the name Aimee would most prefer would be Omega...i.e. "The End". Seeing that you have one son named after a Holy Roman emperor, one named after a great theologian and another named after an O.T. prophet, I think you need something splashy. No small names here-the boy has to compete with his brothers.

Might I suggest Optimus Cassius Bucher. Sounds like a Caesar and allows you to sell advertising for Old Country Buffet (you down with the OCB?). Also, OCB sets up a new "Big O" in the state of of big O's.

Goshen awaits with baited breath.

The Clouse

Seven Layers said...

Once again, your talent comes through. My favority was Abdullah the Bucher. You make me laugh (I hope Aimee does too).

Anonymous said...

Dude ... I would hate to think that the ultrasound could be giving you guys the illusion of boyhood, but just in case, if the baby is to be the first Bucher girl, how about naming her Betty Hershberger Bucher?

bryan said...

There's only one Beautiful Betty. There's not enough room in this world for another.

Anonymous said...

I think the baby might be flipping you off for thinking this is another boy. How about Madison Noelle Bucher?

bryan said...

If the baby is flipping us off, then he's grounded. But I'm guessing that's not a finger unless he's ET.